The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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