Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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