His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
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I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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