I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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