Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize