Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
