I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
