She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
