I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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