This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize