I murdered the dance floor call the cops
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
