Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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