I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
