Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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