Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
