are you still at the devil's house?
I looked at my own cervix.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
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I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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