that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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