3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.