Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.