and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child