My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.