My nipple is on Facebook.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.