I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"