I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.