FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?