She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
