did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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