how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I currently don't understand fingers.
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