where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
