hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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