Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
