Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
