so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
