I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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