I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
