I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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