Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
