i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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