Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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