I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you didnt know i had herpes?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
