Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
