"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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