would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
