this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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