i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she peed on how many people?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
