There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
