I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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