Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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