so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
