Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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