Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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