I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Randomize
