ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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