once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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