I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
