Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
