You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
