I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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