But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
