I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
