it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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