Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
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You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
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I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dicks are not precious.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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