just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
are you so shy because you have an std?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
