well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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