You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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