just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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