She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
