If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
