My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize