I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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