I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
