now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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