3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
