Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
