I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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