Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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