i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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