Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
