i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
