Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
