I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
