Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
