I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
