Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
