She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
