Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
