There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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