Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
