I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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