So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
